Memoirs of a Buccaneer
30 Years Before the Mast

Additional Tall Tales

This page created November 19th 2011

A Sword Point With Me

Being a pirate entertainer can have a spillover effect in your work life, especially when you’re in charge of the company’s tradeshow events. Certainly, this was the case at the Washington State Food Dealers Association convention held in downtown Seattle one year.

I had created a large deck of a cruise ship for our booth that year, as well as five smaller booths scattered about the convention center that spans the freeway. As with life aboard ship, we had themed days… there was a Mexico day, a Hawaiian day and, of course, a Caribbean day. We redecorated the entire ship each day.

As the entertainers, we dressed up as pirates on Caribbean day (there’s a surprise), posing for photos with the convention attendees who stopped by our booth. That night, as was custom, all the vendors hosted hosted hospitality suites at the hotel across the street.

I was dating Cathy at the time and convinced her that she should dress up as a wench. True to form, Cathy went all out and made an extremely sexy wench that just about every sales guy at the convention wished he could have taken home. She is the type of girl who can enter any room and simply take it over by her mere presence. Dressed as a wench, she was even more alluring and magnetic.

As is typical, we became separated during one of our visits to one of the larger hospitality suites. Eventually, I caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye. She was flirting with some sales reps. We must have sensed what would happen next because before anyone was aware of it, we each crossed the room to the empty center. As we approached one another we instinctively drew our swords.

I assume the sales reps thought they were just for play. That was until they heard the first crash of metal hitting metal. Everyone in the room turned, stunned that a full fledged sword fight had broken out in the middle of the suite. I suppose they thought it was all choreographed and rehearsed. It wasn’t. But no one could tell the difference. We continued for a minute or two, then ended it with her stabbing me. I fell to the floor.

The entire room looked on in amazement. We then went back to our respective minglings, working the room as if nothing happened. It is truly magical to be a pirate and to know that you can do anything you really want to and people just accept it as a new reality. Ah, for the life of a pirate!


The Princess Shoes

Over the years, I have accumulated some wonderful gifts from the people I have come across. Well, the women I have dated, slept with or were married to, let’s just put it that way. Over this last weekend in Key West, another pirate asked me about the fetching pair of buckles I have on my shoes.

These are not your standard pirate shoe buckles. Instead, they are French cut steel. They were popular from the 1890s to the 1900s and if you go hunting for them these days they will set you back anywhere from $40 to $70. Mine were a gift from West Seattle Hi-Yu Princess Sharon Stone. In my book, you’ll meet her in Chapter 11. She had asked this pirate out on a date and I still have the note she gave me with asking me out. That is a bit of a rarity and I thought very romantic, mainly because she beat me to the punch, I about to ask her out instead.

Anyway, she gave me the buckles as a gift during our brief courtship. I still wear them to this day, and the shoes are referred to as my princess shoes for obvious reasons. I recently bought a new pair of shoes, the old ones finally giving up the ghost after 30 years of regular use. But the buckles came right along for the ride. Whenever I wear the shoes, I still think of the virgin princess of West Seattle.


Making a Joe’s Special (without the side of diapers)

On page 145, I mentioned a Joe’s Special. If you’ve never had one, you’ll find it a great brunch item and it’s even quite healthy.

Here’s my way of making one:


6 eggs
1 tablespoon of olive oil
3/4 pounds ground beef
1 small onion chopped
1 clove of garlic
1 package of frozen chopped spinach
1/4 teaspoon of dried oregano or basil
Tabasco Sauce
Grated parmesan
Salt and pepper to taste


1. Beat the eggs, adding the tabasco (to taste) and dried oregano and/or basil. Set aside.

2. Add olive oil to pan on medium heat. Add onions. Sautee until soft but not brown. Add in the garlic.

3. Add the ground beef (sausage is a good choice too if you like more flavor).

4. Once the beef has browned, add the spinach.

5. Heat through. Then add the eggs. Use a spatula to turn them. Remove when eggs are cooked.

6. Sprinkle parmesan cheese over the mixture. Serve with toast.


The book is complete!!!!!

Step right up and get one of the first copies. I’ve posted a link to it on the Get the Book page. You can also order it from Amazon, but I don’t get as big of a cut. Damned pirates!

The digital edition for the Kindle has just been released.

There are rumors afoot [...]

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